Statement responding to continued harassment by Chinese feminists

This is an update to an earlier statement on defamatory attacks experienced on Chinese social media

Nov. 16: Please note that this version of my statement has been censored. While my statement clearly does not suggest harassment or mistreatment of the individual/s named, they reported me in an attempt to silence me.

(Trigger warning: ableism, homophobia, issues surrounding MeToo)

To readers of this statement:

I am addressing colleagues, students, and other interested parties to explain in detail the situation described in my statement released in August.

Why am I writing this statement? No apology or attempt at communication has happened, and I have dealt with continued harassment — ableist, homophobic, & arguably political in nature. Since August:

• New defamatory comments have appeared on the social media website Xiaohongshu; I was also alerted to accusations spread within diasporic Chinese feminist groups.
• I have dealt with multiple false accusations directed to my university; I have felt unsafe even walking into my own classroom at HKU.
• Those involved continue to promote themselves & gain support in my academic networks, causing me severe discomfort. This includes Asian studies departments and feminist communities in the U.S., as well as Hong Kong circles.

What I hope readers will reflect upon: On a professional level, I continue to feel unsafe and would like to alert colleagues while firmly stating what has happened. However, my other purpose is to write as a queer feminist scholar: How might we do better?

I include details about those who have harassed me, but they are not the ones who truly matter. This is about how discussions need to take place concerning care & self-reflection. I strongly urge feminists/queers to reflect on discrimination & toxicity within their circles. For readers who are allies, please learn about these issues as well.

Finally, I understand that colleagues in Japanese studies, Asian American studies, etc. are unfamiliar with context surrounding Hong Kong, Taiwan, and mainland China. Below, I explain why this is political violence directed by mainland feminists at a Taiwanese academic in Hong Kong.

This is a longer statement that will require patience but is also heartfelt, where I aim to use my recent experiences to teach.

In my earlier statement, I mention the involvement of a mainland Chinese feminist who goes by 一小撮毛 (or 小毛), a founder of the group 相当女子.

However, I am aware that the original source of the defamatory remarks is a friend of this person named XXXXX, a founder of the diasporic group Chinese Artists and Organizers (CAO) Collective 离离草 and Ciba Punch 女拳手打糍粑. XXXXX and CAO have a platform involving queer feminist radical care; below, I explain in detail how they have not followed such principles. XXXXX’s actions have led to large-scale harassment that has been ableist, homophobic, and political in nature.

What actually happened:

I had a personal relationship with a friend of XXXXX; I had not taught either one of them since 2018, and I considered them friends after they expressed wishing to maintain contact. I have no authority over either one.

Early in 2022, this individual offered to be closer to me since I was having a hard time. She had been in love with me for many years; last year I fell in love with her. Things got hard between us. She expressed wanting space but never expressed feeling pressured by my status as an academic. I was in a bad place, so I continued writing her e-mails sometimes. I also wrote to XXXXX several times when I was confused & hurt about their unexplained hostility on social media.

I wrote e-mails when I was having a mental health crisis to someone who had recently expressed love and concern for me. I wrote a few times to someone I considered a friend (XXXXX). I never threatened a single person.

How I have been defamed & harassed:

Instead of asking a therapist or crisis hotline for advice (or attempting to communicate with me), XXXXX and/or their friend decided to defame me. I know this is the case because the defamation has mentioned private e-mails as “evidence” of my crimes, my mental illness in dismissive terms, then called what I wrote in this condition “disgusting” (噁心). I had been extremely private concerning my mental health, such that only XXXXX & their friend would have knowledge of such details. In addition, in June, I sent XXXXX a cease & desist letter, but there was no response.

The accusations repeatedly state that I am a sexual predator who has harassed multiple victims and specifically targets female students.

Beginning in June 2023 (if not earlier), versions of this defamation spread onto 1) a WeChat group of 200+ people interested in gender studies, 2) multiple posts on Xiaohongshu, 3) various semi-public diasporic Chinese networks, then 4) I was reported to my university through multiple channels as well.

In the WeChat group, the aforementioned details lead back to XXXXX but also include completely fabricated points about online stalking and how I “lure” gender studies students to me with promises of professional benefits. From what I have observed & heard, there is never any “evidence” provided of my supposed wrongdoing; for the most part, there is never even a coherent story. It is simply repeated over & over again vaguely that I am guilty of harassment.

First & foremost, I strongly condemn discriminatory behavior and harassment towards those who are mentally ill, neurodivergent, &/or disabled. I had expressed that I was desperately afraid of having my illness made public, and instead of receiving a response, I was immediately blocked on social media. My illness was then framed as a strategy of harassment in the WeChat group. It was mentioned that the “victims” planned to release private e-mails in which I am obviously unwell, writing vulnerably to those I wholeheartedly trusted when I was afraid & in pain. What is particularly inhumane & discriminatory about this situation?

• Exposing someone’s mental illness is cruel and counts as harassment of a person with a disability.
• Someone who is not a mental health professional cannot responsibly decide that a person is “faking it” when it comes to self-harm.
• A person’s life at stake & dignity is not a joke. It is exceedingly violent to see that someone is unwell, then publicly attack her.

Yes, I fell in love with a single person (I am indeed lesbian, too), dared to be ill, and this was what happened.

How does this require an “intersectional” analysis?

This situation is one in which I have experienced harassment causing unbearable psychological damage with effects on my physical health, especially due to ableist & homophobic aspects involved. When I hear mentions of those involved, I have painful panic attacks; I have clear symptoms of trauma.

Intersectionality is a Black feminist concept used to describe how an individual’s experience or relation to others must be described through analysis of how forms of identity — gender, race, class, etc. — intersect in nuanced ways. The defamatory remarks describe me as a powerful authority figure. But when we analyze power, we need to do the work of critically assessing how it functions in complex ways.

Those who defamed me are privileged, wealthy mainlanders connected to extensive networks of activists & students spanning China, the U.S., & other places. Their actions do not express genuine fear that I will harm them.

Indeed, I am not powerful; I’m an untenured queer female Taiwanese American academic with a history of illness. This situation is one of political violence in which I have almost no way to defend myself. I already felt discomfort from political marginalization; I am now deeply afraid. I am not an activist; I am a scholar — I read, write, and teach. I do not have a wealthy family with powerful political connections (anywhere). I do not have power in academia; I speak publicly about marginalization through sexism, racism, & homophobia. I am a heritage speaker of Mandarin and not fully fluent in Chinese.

What is real care & solidarity?

It is possible to study queer and feminist theory and use concepts in abstract ways, or bring them up when it’s easy and feels (looks) good. It is much harder to actually behave in ethical, responsible ways while engaging in self-reflection.

When I reflected, I was sure that some young Chinese feminists involved did not have any intention to enact harm. But they had not stopped to reflect seriously upon their actions. As a teacher, I will point out: Solidarity is about seeing your friends for who they are as complex individuals. All of the feminists involved had a responsibility to ask for concrete facts and do a thorough investigation before engaging in any attacks.

How can we learn to do better from a queer/feminist perspective?

1. First, MeToo as a movement must consider how survivors of sexual violence are likely to experience PTSD, clinical depression, & other forms of severe mental illness. Feminists have a responsibility not only to “seek justice” but to educate themselves on mental health in order to be in solidarity as allies.
2. Second, we can behave in measured, ethical ways when injured. I waited for an apology. I did not write out the name of the person once close to me. She is a grad student in Asian studies, not a feminist activist. Despite the harm she has caused (through her silence at the very least), I care deeply — personally, and on an ethical level. I have no desire to damage her future in academia.
3. Third, feminists and queers need to talk in practical, concrete ways about what words such as care, social justice, & solidarity mean. If a person with mental illness is “disgusting,” how does one evaluate the situation calmly & responsibly despite personal discomfort?
4. For everyone, including allies: recognize realities of how feminists & minorities involved with activism are imperfect and often damaged. There are histories and ongoing realities of violence; a marginalized person is absolutely capable of hurting others.
5. Finally, to mainland Chinese feminists & queers: not a single mainland feminist/queer scholar has expressed support (even privately). From what I understand, in your circles, it feels unsafe. But consider the limitations of a toxic culture of blind anger, accusations, & fear. How will you build solidarity with others (e.g. Hongkongers, Taiwanese) if you do not work collectively towards accountability & care in your movement?

What have I myself learned about love & care?

It has been painful to see queer feminist theories & perspectives that I love used by those attacking me. I have struggled nearly everyday for months to grasp how young queer feminists can employ such language while acting in inhumane ways.

In addition, I have learned about limitations of academics who work on queer/feminist topics, or those identifying as feminist or LGBTQ. I came to understand that some struggle to deal with their own trauma, or they lack empathy due to their own life experiences. Many people are afraid of another person’s pain. A small number of East Asians responded with disgust at my mention of mental illness.

But during this time, I have also learned in beautiful ways as a queer feminist that we cannot predict who will or will not care, and the forms in which we will experience love. While mainland feminist/queer academics have said nothing, my young mainland students were brave & loving and defended me online. I had only met a Taiwanese academic for coffee once, but she spoke with the owners of the WeChat group & comforted me. I was initially afraid to speak with MeToo activists in Hong Kong & Taiwan, but they offered kind, calm perspectives. I had grown more distant from Japanese studies, but colleagues I’ve met only briefly contacted me to express concern. There are people whom I know only on social media, but they remind me to eat, sleep, and take care of myself.

There are many people who have distanced themselves. I do not have family or long-time friends in Hong Kong; I have been single for years. But somehow, I have discovered a network of care built partly around newer or distant connections — crossing through Hong Kong, Singapore, Tokyo, Beijing, the U.S., the U.K., & elsewhere.

The queerness of this network is not in the identities of the people involved, but in the wondrous, unexpected loveliness of how people show up for you, how we can always be open to “good surprises.”

To my friends, students, & colleagues who read all the way here and have offered me love and support, and wish to continue to do so: Thank you for accepting me as who I am.

Lastly, to my students in Hong Kong:

I hope you see what it means to be a queer feminist who acts with courage. You can be mentally ill, disabled, &/or neurodivergent, a minority & marginalized on multiple fronts. You can experience cruelty & discrimination, observe the hypocrisy of many lacking in empathy, and question why your labor of love & compassion matters in the end. Yet you can still be wise and seek to protect what matters most to you.

I believe that the world should be kinder. It was not easy for me to mention in class in September that I have experiences of mental illness and might be on the spectrum. It was not easy to respond thoughtfully to a student presentation on MeToo — to bring up only what I felt was most important for you to hear. None of this is easy. But what is real dignity about? What do I really believe in? I want to create a better world for you. I want to be proud of how I have lived my life, and I want you to be proud of having been my students.

Thank you for being my students, for allowing me to teach & care for you during this time. You are enough just as you are. If you feel too young or helpless seeing me hurt now, please remember me when you meet others who are suffering in the future. We do not have infinite resources to care for others, but we can care a bit. 謝謝香港學生的關懷和信任，謝謝你們的溫暖。請大家好好保重，好好愛護自己。